The Year Without a Resolution

I’m intentionally putting less intention into my 2020. Here’s why.

On January 1st, 2019 I put a sticky note on my fridge that said “Choose with Intention”. It was my mantra for the year. No more letting life happen to me. I was going to happen to life. What I wanted was a year of excuse-free living with a laser focus on my goals. I got what I wanted. I also got a year of wearing blinders and seeing a lot of things in black and white that deserved to be seen in grayscale. I poured some time and energy into undeserving pursuits. So, I’m leaving the old “all or nothing” point of view in 2019.

Today, I’m not making a new year’s resolution at all. I can’t remember the last time I went into the New Year without one. This is big for me. I’ll be clear, I do have goals and I’m still serious about achieving them. In this season, though, my goals aren’t all achievable within one year. My goals may change and shift and need some flexibility. Maybe it’s turning thirty-five, maybe it’s motherhood, but I know I need more than one perspective on… just about everything. I release myself from the ultimatum of accomplishing a checklist of self-improvement in 365 days.

I’m going to leave some time and space in my year for the unexpected. I’m going to loosen my grip and reserve the right to change my mind. I can’t expect magic to happen in my world by planning every second, overthinking every day, and controlling every variable. I’m going to remember that personal growth is more layered than just goals achieved.

Here’s another thing I’m not doing: dismissing an entire year by summing it up as “good” or “bad”. Life is more complicated than that. It used to feel great to announce at the end of a particularly difficult year, “good riddance, horrible year! Happy to put this year behind me! On to bigger and better things in the new year!”

Here’s the truth: every year is a mixture of good and bad. Every year is mostly a function of my own reactions to events and emotions. I’m not going to blame a bad year for troubles and thereby relieve myself of responsibility for my own happiness. A collection of twelve months is not responsible for my success or failure; that’s on me.

I’m appreciating a year that held both magic and disaster, joys and sorrows, victories and failures. I’m walking into a new year, but bringing along the growth and understanding I gained from every peak and valley of 2019.

2020, I’m looking at you with the wonder of a child. I won’t pretend to know what you have in store, but I’m looking forward to what you’re going to teach me.